Sometimes, even when you don’t really want to you have to make the decision to say goodbye. Because you know it is for the best for everyone, its not that I didn’t love him, or didn’t want to try and work things out, because I did, its because I knew he just didn’t want to be here anymore.
Just from all the things he was saying to people, and from how quickly he wanted to leave, how he said to my father he is going to go live overseas in 6 months. What i am wondering is what about his children?
He left me a note on his computer desktop, told me he would always love his children… how can you love your children if you just want to pack up, and live across the world, and not see them.
I knew he didn’t want to be here because he started reading ‘The Game’ by Neil Strauss… and he didn’t listen to me when I said we don’t have the money to do the courses he wanted to do. I guess its not his fault his job network lady didn’t tell him that only one of the course’s were going to cost $500… then the other two were $600 each, not to mention they all ran at the same time.
Maybe I shouldn’t have let it bother me when he screamed ‘f u’ at me when we fought… but that really gets to me, maybe i should have just ignored it. But i couldn’t, maybe if he made me believe he really did want to get a good job to help support the family instead. I mean the courses he wanted to do would secure him a good job in the future, but he just got angry at me for trying to tell him that we just couldn’t afford it. But i think the final straw was the comment he made after it… i knew it then he had to go home and be with his family and not here, because i knew he didn’t want to be here anymore.
I could tell he didn’t want it at all, i could tell he just wanted to be able to live the life he wanted without the responsibility of children and ‘my debt’
He didn’t even say ‘I love you see you when i get home’ before he left to go sign up for the course we couldn’t afford, he didn’t even say goodbye to his son, he just left in a rage because he wanted to do what ever instead of thinking about his family.
I am not sure if i can do this on my own at all, but i know he probably wants nothing to do with me, if he did want anything to do with me he wouldn’t of started paying me out to my parents straight away, or complained to my friend the other day. Maybe he could have at least said some nice things about me.
I look like the bad guy, and the crazy ex already now, and he is going to tell everyone he did everything for me and that i am just lazy… I admit he did a lot for me, but i also did a lot for him, sure what i did wasn’t housework all the time, but it was helping him with looking for job, doing his centerlink for him, always there to remind him about his appointments and phone calls he needed to make, getting numbers for him…
Sure i did hurt him early into the relationship… but he hurt me too, we both did out fair share of hurting each other over and over again.
I hope he truly gets his life on track, i hope he listens to his heart and not those around him telling him to go wild and crazy and lash out at everything, i hope he doesn’t make stupid decisions and dis-respect himself, I hope he can fill in his centerlink forms without me, and i hope he can get his license and continue with getting into an aged care course. I just hope he can show his son’s what a great man he can be. I also hope he doesn’t make me look to bad to his family…
i hope. i hope. i hope…