When I started writing at a young age I used to think no one would ever read my work, I kept writing though. I started writing my first story when I was 8 but the teacher kept it with all the other kids story, so I don’t have a copy of it. The story was about the Olympics as it was sports week at my school and we were required to write about sports in English – so I chose the Olympics.
My next story was the same year and it was about snails, the reason it was about snails was that it was French week. We had to write a short story in French. I have no idea where that story ended up.
For the next few years I wrote story after story. The teachers at school loved my stories but I was never able to keep my work. It makes me wonder where they went in the end or why the teachers never let the students keep their work.
When I hit highschool I continued to write but I mainly just wrote poetry as I was really good at it. I entered a poetry competition when I was 14 and to my suprise I won. The prize was that we were able to self print our poem onto a white tile and it was stuck into a wall for everyone to see. I thought ‘wow I must be really good to have won this prize.’
Now I am a lot older and have not written more then 5 poems and 3 stories since and that is including my current book… I am working on it.Was
Most of my lack of motivation I feel comes from getting bullied throughout school. Sometimes I feel that some sort of flame inside me has suddenly been put out and I am still trying to re-light it.
Even now I write something and even through everyone around me says my writing is good and that I am talented, I feel like I have been writing long enough to know that it is missing something other than the grammar and intriguing words that you are taken a back from while reading.
Maybe that is what it is… I have been writing for too long and the only thing I have achieved is a tile of my work. My only publication is a tile… Do people even look at tiles these days and appreciate what is written on them? Or is my one publication just being ignored… Christ I don’t even know if it is still there.
Am I already a washed up Writer? Everything I have written has been put in my ‘l will finish that later’ pile or in the bin. Maybe winning that poetry competition was my downfall, well I mean its not like I have shared my achievements with extended family or in-laws or anything. I haven’t attempted. To pursue. A writing career or attend a writing course before.
All I have is my book, my blog and a vague memory of my precious work. Even now as I write this I feel like pulling all the pages out, crunching them up and walking away from it now.
And its not like I get these feelings because I am comparing myself to someone else. I know Ian good writer, I know my ability and achievements and I remember all the praise and critique.
So in saying that I have made the decision that I am just going to go for it. Screw self doubt and feeling apathetic because I have nothing to lose. If some 40 something year old woman can write a series of novels about a weird relationship between a woman and a man then surely I can get my second publication out there!