My personal struggle as a self proclaimed writer.


When I started writing at a young age I used to think no one would ever read my work, I kept writing though. I started writing my first story when I was 8 but the teacher kept it with all the other kids story, so I don’t have a copy of it. The story was about the Olympics as it was sports week at my school and we were required to write about sports in English – so I chose the Olympics.

My next story was the same year and it was about snails, the reason it was about snails was that it was French week. We had to write a short story in French. I have no idea where that story ended up.

For the next few years I wrote story after story. The teachers at school loved my stories but I was never able to keep my work. It makes me wonder where they went in the end or why the teachers never let the students keep their work.

When I hit highschool I continued to write but I mainly just wrote poetry as I was really good at it. I entered a poetry competition when I was 14 and to my suprise I won. The prize was that we were able to self print our poem onto a white tile and it was stuck into a wall for everyone to see. I thought ‘wow I must be really good to have won this prize.’

Now I am a lot older and have not written more then 5 poems and 3 stories since and that is including my current book… I am working on it.Was

Most of my lack of motivation I feel comes from getting bullied throughout school. Sometimes I feel that some sort of flame inside me has suddenly been put out and I am still trying to re-light it.
Even now I write something and even through everyone around me says my writing is good and that I am talented, I feel like I have been writing long enough to know that it is missing something other than the grammar and intriguing words that you are taken a back from while reading.

Maybe that is what it is… I have been writing for too long and the only thing I have achieved is a tile of my work. My only publication is a tile… Do people even look at tiles these days and appreciate what is written on them? Or is my one publication just being ignored… Christ I don’t even know if it is still there.

Am I already a washed up Writer? Everything I have written has been put in my ‘l will finish that later’ pile or in the bin. Maybe winning that poetry competition was my downfall, well I mean its not like I have shared my achievements with extended family or in-laws or anything. I haven’t attempted. To pursue. A writing career or attend a writing course before.

All I have is my book, my blog and a vague memory of my precious work. Even now as I write this I feel like pulling all the pages out, crunching them up and walking away from it now.

And its not like I get these feelings because I am comparing myself to someone else. I know Ian good writer, I know my ability and achievements and I remember all the praise and critique.

So in saying that I have made the decision that I am just going to go for it. Screw self doubt and feeling apathetic because I have nothing to lose. If some 40 something year old woman can write a series of novels about a weird relationship between a woman and a man then surely I can get my second publication out there!

26 thoughts on “My personal struggle as a self proclaimed writer.

  1. Besides having a great blog, you ask if we want coffee, so I hope you have a large coffee maker, as I just nominated your for the Beautiful Blogger award @
    http://keiththegreen.wordpress.com/2012/09/05/beautiful-blogger-award/

    To accept the award, the rules are:

    Link back to the person who nominated you
    Post the award image to your page. (Here’s the Link)
    Tell seven facts about yourself
    Nominate 5-10 other blogs
    Let them know they are nominated

  2. Never give up on your writing. Even if you just have that tile, be proud of it. I’ve been writing poetry for three years now and the only award I’ve gotten is my name written on a Facebook page. I’m about to publish another poem in a book. I’ve gotten frustrated and down, but writing is my passion, I know I’ll always get up after I fall down. Please don’t stop writing. I like your blog!

  3. Coffee?..I’ll take mine strong & black…oh, sorry
    Great blog. Don’t give up. You, like me and I’m sure many thousands of others feel the same way about this subject. With our ‘new modern’ age, it has become so much easier for us to get our writings out there.
    The downfall that I see with this is that there is so much to read now and so little time.
    Since I’ve started blogging ( just a couple of months ) I seem not to have the time to write anymore & spend a lot of time here now.
    Take Care
    Chris

  4. Hello. First, thanks so much for stopping by my blog. I so appreciate your taking the time and I’m happy you liked the post. I also hope you found a take away or two that give you great inspiration and insight.

    And, I hope you don’t mind my asking, but do you know where you want to go with your writing? For instance, do you want to be a New York Times best-selling author? Do you want to write fiction? Non-fiction? What are your goals for your writing? Who is your audience? Once you answer some of these questions, it will help you gain clarity and determine your next step. Perhaps you would like to work with a writing coach. Perhaps you want to write in the self help area for kids. Do you see where this is going? It will help you center yourself and start to provide you some “glue” to put it all together and develop some goals for your writing. The Universe is on your side and wants more than anything to help you live your dream, but first you must gain some clarity as to what it is you want. So connect with your inner spirit, your “intuition,” and ask for guidance. Here’s a quote to carry in your back pocket:

    “Your talent is God’s gift to you. What you do with it is your gift to God.” ~ Leo Buscaglia

    To your success my friend. . . .

  5. Thanks for following thefirstgates. Now that I’ve stopped by here, I’m happy to return the favor – I like your blog.

    A writer is someone who writes. Period. Full stop. Or as T.S. Eliot (my favorite poet) put it, “Take no thought for the harvest but only for the proper sowing.” Elsewhere he said, “For us, there is only the trying. The rest is not our business.”

    I look forward to reading your posts.

    • Thankyou, T.S Eliot is a wonderful poet, I am sure I have some of Eliots work in my messy bookcase, I could be imagining things though (most likely the second) I have so many different books in there that they all dont fit. Hmmm good excuse to tidy it up I say :)

  6. Heya! I’m at work browsing your blog from my new iphone! Just wanted to say I love reading through your blog and look forward to all your posts! Carry on the outstanding work!

  7. Hi lovely, thanks for visiting my space :) I love your honesty & passion, I so hear how powerfully the pull to write comes from deep inside you. Of course you are a self-proclaimed writer :) You write. Or perhaps Write, with a capital W. I so hear how this is your art, your calling, how you need to do it to get out what’s inside. Regardless of any assessment of the “finished” product. Yum :) I love your space and your words. Blessings and gratitude for your glowing contribution to the world xx

  8. Thank you for visiting the Chateau and following my posts. Just a little something to make you feel better about the bullying you received at school (I had some too). I discovered later in life that the reason you get bullied is because others sense or know you are “special” and feel they are not. You have something important to do in this world and they feel inadequate around you. So they attack and put you down. Really it was a blessing to show you how extraordinary you are. Wishing you the very best, Robert

  9. Just keep writing like you did here, authentically with passion! Start stuff out with “What I really want to say is…” until you feel like this is true and real.
    But, what you wrote above is true and real. I love this post! Thank you for your honesty!

  10. To all teachers out there who are guilty of not returning these precious treasures, SHAME ON YOU!
    As for you, take the voices of those who support you and write what they might say to those who did not support you with a note from them to those teachers.
    Thanks for the follow. :)

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