In a far away land, there was a lonely woman who couldn’t catch a break…
Posted October 18, 2012on:
Something I have always had trouble with is expressing how I feel, I get paranoid and anxious and try to cover up my feelings in bazaar ways. Which I guess that would be my downfall, I can’t just be honest about my feelings… I have to beat around the bushes, hoping I don’t have to deal with them, and that maybe they will just go away in order for others to have an easier life.
Upon starting this blog I was hoping that it would make things easier for me when it came to expressing my feelings, but no, because still I feel I can’t because of a few people that may happen to read a particular post, then msg me and have a go at me.
Why am I so scared? Honestly what do I have to lose if I tell that person I like them or I tell that person I think they need to grow up etc etc… Sometimes I think I hold back purely because of fear. Fear of complete rejection or fear of being insulted, but unless what I want to say is in an acceptable form where the person can actually feel the meaning behind it and feel the emotions whether I be sad, angry, happy or in awe, then I feel maybe it is pointless even bothering.
Today I think back to something I wrote a couple days ago… A silly little letter filled with emotion ment for someone, but addressed to someone else… Not ment for anyone to read until I felt ready to display… Not ment for the person written on the letter…
‘well why did you do that’ you may be thinking, well… To be honest the thought of addressing certain feelings with someone scares me… And I don’t particularly want to address them at all at this point in time. So trying to cover up it is my next best option, then delete… But unfortunately I can’t just delete my feelings and rename who there ment for.
Aren’t I just ment to try and be happy? Then why am I always so sad?