From the very first Facebook hate rant to the very first comment on my blog, its no secret I have come along way from there. With every award I received from my fellow bloggers my confidence grew more and more.
To a lot of people, this may not mean much at all, but it means a lot to me. Its almost a year blogging on WordPress for me, and since I started, I’ve formed many new and real friendships with my readers and followers. I may only have a little over 1000, which is a small but decent amount considering I am not a famous author, but it is a huge number to me.
When I decided to get back into writing, I didn’t expect it to last this long, or to have as many followers and readers as I do have. I didn’t expect anyone to like my blog at all.
WordPress has given me the chance to put myself out there, to put my writing on the line and open for criticism (thankfully I’ve never had any bad criticism.) The chance to regain my confidence and the chance to help others regain there’s back too.
I’ve had the honor of being included in thousands of people’s lives thanks to WordPress. I’ve been able to share mine with so many people as well.
I want to sincerely thank the people behind WordPress. And I want to congratulate all you wonderful bloggers out there.
So I was nominated for this ABC award thing, thanks to station devato be honest I should have done this in the morning because I couldn’t really think of anything good enough to write, so I guess what I wrote will have to do.
So basically you have the alphabet and you write something about you with every letter… Or something like that.
So here goes nothing
Abecedarian: Because it feels like I am re-learning the alphabet all over again.
bright: some people would describe me as this.
cacoethes: (a bad habit or insatiable urge) I leave half drunk cups of coffee or tea everywhere, because they go cold and I hate that and it drives me insane… But my leaving of the cup drives others insane… Maybe I leave it because I hate how water cools down too fast… Not even thermal mugs can solve this problem of mine :/
dactylonomy: because I still subtly use my fingers to add, multiply and subtract… Except it is an imaginary hand in my head most the time.
elephant: an animal that I am and have been overly excited about since I was a child and first saw dumbo. I am looking forward to being able to ride one when I head to Thailand one day.
floccinaucinihilipilification: just that word in general.
green: the colour of the note pad I used to write this in before hand.
happy: with how I feel about my blog in general and how far I have come since last year.
inaniloquent: I find huge words like these, ones in which you have to go look up the meaning to find out what I am talking about.
Judo : I currently hold an Orange belt in this martial art – my back injury forced me to stop, but I can still flip people over my shoulder and over my whole body in general. I understand how people distribute their weight while they stand no matter how big they are because of this martial art.
kinetic: something I am learning about right now.
laughter: is what comes after I see funny things.
mother: is what I am to 2 beautiful boys.
neuroscientist: is what I am studying to become.
over the top: are some of the words in this particular post.
pi=:3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307816406286208998628… It is impossible to find the exact number of pi.
queen of England: a birthday I share… And hitler
realistic: I am extremely realistic about everything. Its why I could never be religious. There is a huge gap between being realistic and having Faith… I’ve certainly not bridged that gap.
Science: my second love.
Theory: a theory is a theory until proven otherwise in my opinion.
Unimpressed: sometimes I seem really unimpressed by everything – fact is everything fascinates me, especially human behavior and interaction.
Violinist: I really wanted to be one of these when I was growing up, but never had the chance to do lessons.
water: I hated the taste of water until I was pregnant with my first child, and currently my body is only 47% water (you can find out this on a set if scales)
xerophagy: I would never recommend this diet to anyone.
yell: something I wish I never had to do.
zero: words thought for the letter z (one if you want to get technical.)
Now that I’ve done that its time for my nominees.
mittens kittens – because she obviously has disappeard if the face of the planet.
Miss Natarsha Irwin – because this lovely lady is new to the blog sphere, lets help her get into the swing of things yeah?
I really just wanted to nominate these two because they really need something like this at the moment. And fun things like this keep blogging interesting from time to time.
As a blogger I have found that is better to add pictures into your posts. Although the picture above does not have anything to do with the post, it looks awesome and it draws people to the post. That’s the point right? To draw attention to yourself if you want people to read your posts.
The picture above is the Crab Nebula by the way, beautiful right?
It can be hard to find the right pictures for your blog, and majority of us just take to google like flies when it comes to trying to find one. I admit to doing this a lot of the time, well lets just face the facts here… You can’t just walk up to someone and say “I need a picture of a sad man that looks like you, you look sad, can I take a photo of you?” Or go all the way over seas just to take a photo of your favourite celebrity or even to nasa and say “hey I need to borrow your telescope to take a picture for my blog.”
This is one thing I like about google, you can find any picture and a lot of the time you can use it.
There is also a downside to this, like all things pros and cons cannot be avoided. Internet scammers, stalkers and fakes.
What is a scammer? Well someone who pretends to be someone for a prolonged period of time in order to obtain something they want from someone – great example, money.
What is a stalker? Well that is easy, someone who attempts to or is following your every move like for example following your blog just to gossip about you, finding all different ways to follow your Facebook because you keep getting blocked or talking about said person every time you bump into someone else that knows that person.
And we all know what a fake is, fake friends, fake profiles, fake personality in general (this last one only occurs to people who don’t want to show people who they really are and cop it for it anyway.)
We can all tell these things, just like we can all tell when a profile picture is a googled, or when someone is stalking is – I know exactly who is stalking me, and I know they are reading this post right now and I know they will go and tell the world about what I am doing. But fact is, the only reason why I care is because I wish they would grow up and make something of themselves instead of concerning themselves with what I am doing, I mean if they so obviously don’t care about me why follow my every move?
I’ve been added by many fake profiles, any one of them could be my stalker, I accept the adds, check out their profile and learn very quickly they are fake. You can also tell by the profile picture some people use.
For a few months now I have had my head stuck in the science books as you may have read (if you are paying attention to the fine details) I am embarking on a huge journey to become a fully qualified Neuroscientist.
It has been something that I have wanted to do for a long time, something that I love – there is nothing more cool than discovering something cool about the human brain and the way we make connections in life. How the brain works – how life works for that matter. It’s not just that, I have my own theory’s about the human brain – But of course we all know that you must have a qualification for people to listen to your crazy theory’s about the human brain (well all brains really). Its something that I would like to have behind me aswell – The fact that I love science means I know I can do this. Just because someone is ‘smart’ doesnt mean they can do something great aswell. I feel that you need to be passionate about what you are doing, such as, you reading might want to be a great writer but you are passionate about art – why not paint more and write less, or find some way you can join art into you’re writing? You could draw pictures for youre blog like this wonderful blogger Doodlemum.
I personally wouldn’t mind what science field I got into – Last night I was watching a BBC documentary ‘Wonders of the solar system’, I remember how much I love learning about astronomy, and biology, and physics and all the crazy theory’s and awesome science stuff. I have had to go back to basics and start learning chemistry though – I was never given the opportunity to attend any chem classes in school because I moved schools 3 times (weird crazy Adelaide school rules that you have to start chem in a particular grade to attend the classes in all the other years). I guess it doesn’t matter about that anymore because I am to start from the basics again and I love to learn.
One of my strengths I think would be being able to admit defeat when it comes to factual information, I would love to personally thank the inventor of google and the internet for giving people the ability to settle arguments with a simple google search. When I am wrong and I am proven wrong, I can happily admit it and be thankful for learning something new (some people don’t take being wrong as a good like I do) I am always open to learning something new – It is why I read self-help books, because there is nothing more satisfying to myself as learning something new, especially something to better myself and make my life great (learning something new about people in general that is NOT gossip is great). I want to be able to learn more, I want to be able to help others by sharing the information I learn – it is also another reason I write my blog (regardless who reads it), it gives me the opportunity to share what I know and whether people like a know it all or not, I enjoy being able to share the information I learn and I love being able to talk about science.
You really only have to look at this to realise how amazing life is, and how important science is.
And how these two things
And eventually create a human being or an animal. How amazing is that?
At the end of the day, these things show exactly why I want to be a scientist, the small and the big things in life that are still waiting to be discovered – and I would like to start with the human brain, I would like to learn how it works, how to reach my own full potential, how I can help make other people’s brains function better.
I don’t know the meaning of life – But what I do know is the meaning of ‘What do you want to do with your life.’
I want to be a Scientist, and who knows – Maybe one day I will discover something great.
I asked people for constructive criticism (yes good and bad) one thing you need to realize if you want to publish your work – you need to seek the criticism, and face the music – otherwise how are you going to improve and make it better?
Last night I spent a bit of time editing it (old school paper and pen style)
here is some of the edited copy – And for those who are wondering ALL my work IS in fact Copyrighted. So don’t be thieving ;)
Being a school teacher wasn’t all it had cracked up to be. Sure there were a few perks, seeing the smiles on those children’s faces every time I entered the room, just as easily they smiled when it was time to pack their bags and go home, teaching them all about how the world works… How much they actually listen to is a different story. My name is Ruby, Ruby Kensington but you can call me Miss K.
I’m not married, I don’t even have a boyfriend, I don’t have children of my own and I don’t have any friends. No I am not a weirdo or maybe I am. You can decide that for yourself. I’m going to tell you a story about how I ended up in the position I am in.
June 28th 8:40pm. 1993
It was the 90’s and I was fresh out of law school, already I had already received my first job offer. I was desperate, so I went for it not knowing quite what I was getting myself into. We had arranged to meet at 9am the next day to discuss what the job involves, the only problem was that I did not know who I was meeting or why. I had received the phone call out of the blue, and the person I had spoken to did not go into any detail about the job, they just gave me a time and the address of where I would be meeting my ‘potential employer.’ When you are a lawyer, you don’t think too much about those types of phone calls – although I would have preferred to pick the location myself.
That night I had a group date with my best friends Chloe and Sandra.
They had been my friends since we were in law school. Chloe had long blond hair with colors running through it, pinks, purples, blues and oranges. She was short, maybe 5’2 and she was very socially awkward. When Chloe was younger she really wanted to be a hairdresser, but her mum forced her into attending law school. Chloe didn’t want to upset her mother, so, she used her talents with hair as a side business as a way to make some extra cash. Now Sandra on the other hand was the complete opposite. Sandra was a girl of status in the law industry – as her dad was a lawyer. She was tall with luscious tanned legs that go for miles. Sandra had dark hair and dark eyes, with a European look to her plus she was really skinny and everything about her screamed sexy. Sandra always had all the guys pining over her like little puppies, even though she turned them all down.
As the night progressed I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was being watched. You know the type of feeling you get when you think there is someone who just won’t stop staring at you? The hairs on the back of your neck stand up and cold shivers run down your spine, as if someone had ‘just walked over your grave’ as they say. That’s the feeling I had now, so I decided to call it a night with my friends and walk home.
As I was walking I started to feel dizzy, queasy even… did I really drink that much? A few minutes passed by and I couldn’t bring myself to walk any further. I hailed the first cab I saw and jumped in. My house was about a 10 minute walk away from our favorite hangout but I just couldn’t bear to walk any longer. The taxi drive made me feel worse. I wasn’t even sure if I was even in a taxi anymore and I just passed out.
2010, I was 43kg and extremely underweight. I thought I looked great and other days I thought I was fat. To be completely honest with you all – I hardly ate anything, I smoked, took drugs nearly every weekend by this point, sometimes even a few times a week. I drank more than my fair share of coffee and smoked well over enough to fuel a family of 4 smokers. I was not healthy and when I look back at old photos of me, I looked sick, anorexic almost and bones aren’t attractive.
September 2010 I fell pregnant to Setesh – This was probably the biggest turning point in my life, my partner and I were excited and shocked at the same time. Through that pregnancy, I assume my body would have freaked out because shot straight up to 83kg. Going from 43kg to 83kg – For people who use pounds that is 94.79 pounds to 182.98 – In 10 months, that was a huge jump and a massive shock to me.
I have always been thin – too thin 5 ft 2” in height and always have been 50kg or below, my mother had to buy me children’s pants once and send them interstate to me while I was living in Ballarat. I had nearly every item of clothing from primary school, and I wore them up until I started gaining weight in my pregnancy.
Come Labour Day I landed myself an emergency C-section and was placed under a general anaesthetic. I woke up in my ward – I was confused, I didn’t really know what had just happened, my child and partner were nowhere to be seen and I had a huge wound in my lower abdomen that I never wanted. 4 hours later and I met my son for the first time; the relief on my partners face that I was ok was heart-warming.
I was bed ridden for 2 days before took those first extremely hard steps and the next 3 days were some of the hardest. I could not do anything, I couldn’t even change a nappy without shaking and my partner did everything. I even had the nurses express food from me for my partner to feed our baby. I never really did realise how much has done for me.
When we took the baby home, I was in pain in more ways than one – my wound and my heart. I felt disfigured from my unwanted surgery – even though so many other women out there have gone through the exact same – I felt like the only one, and that it had left me with an ugly body – I felt fat!
You can be big and beautiful they say, and I don’t doubt that, but there is a difference between being beautiful and feeling beautiful – I did not feel beautiful, at all!
I think this lack of confidence in myself and my looks caused one of the problems I had in my relationship – when you feel ugly and disfigured, and you are with someone who you think is the most attractive man I the world, you can develop a small or large jealousy issue – depending on what type of person you are. Now I have to admit, I can get pretty jealous when it comes to Jordan, but I think it would have been at its worse the year after the C-section. Especially when we moved to his home town to live for a while, I mean what are you supposed to feel when your extremely attractive partner knows so many extremely attractive women – who mind you a lot of them stopped talking to him because they because angry at him for getting into a relationship with me.
In 2011 about 8-9 months after, I was just regaining my confidence back, losing weight a little (slowly) and coming to terms with my surgery, we found out we would be having another baby. I told my mum straight away – haha Skype’d her “guess what” and showed her the test to be exact. Everyone was excited – I was too.
One thing I thought about so much through this recent pregnancy was my weight. My stomach still looked dis-figured, I didn’t have that desirable baby bump – it looked for like a baby triangle to me. I remember a friend pointing it out, that’s when I noticed it and then of course I dwelled on it. I managed to lose 6 kgs in the pregnancy, and then slowly put it back on while baby grew.
It was a healthy pregnancy, this time afterwards; I don’t feel cheated or disfigured. I feel healthy, I may not be the happiest person, but I can accept myself most days, and I know I can change it.
It has been 11 days since Atlas was born and I have lost 9kgs, while I understand it is quite common to just drop around 10-12 kgs straight after. The sudden drop in weight has given me the confidence to keep going, keep losing weight. If not for me then I will do it for my family.
It has taken me about 3 days to actually complete this particular post. Editing things out and adding things instead. I didn’t want to delve into some things I will clear things up about one thing – My relationship with Jordan is better than ever right now.
If you’re a regular reader of mine, then you are most probably up to speed with my effords to cut facebook out of my life. If not then that’s ok – its pretty straight forward, I really dislike facebook and wish I could exclude it from my life, was without it for a few months, but sadly had to return as I have family in a few different states.
I recently recieved a facebook msg from a friend (she is pregnant at the moment.) My friend wanted to let me know that she had overheard 2 girls at the hospital I recently gave birth at, saying nasty things about me and speaking about my son that I had given birth to just 6 days before – they even knew his name. After speaking to my friend a bit about it I learned who the girls actually were. It’s safe to say that these girls are pretty childish, and I have previously written about them – because they are the girls that are pretty much stalking me. They are up to date with nearly every detail and event of my life – and I do not know how. I do not write about everything that goes on in my life on here, and I had them blocked on my facebook and not just anyone could see my facebook or Jordan’s – so we are at a loss as to how these 2 girls, keep popping up in our life and know everything about us… Lucky they aren’t interested in what both of us are doing but unlucky they are overly interested in what I am doing. Even to the point that they will sit there in a public place, talk to each other, loud enough for people I possibly know, to overhear their conversation. They also created their own reason as to why my relationship had come to an abrupt end (something I haven’t shared any information on to anyone besides immediate family and extremely trustworthy people who don’t know these girls or even of them.) Now I understand that while this blog is public and I have a facebook, there is high possibility that maybe they are one of my regular readers – not that much of the content on here is extremely personal.
These particular girl have proven they are unpredictable with their behaviour and their growing obsession with me has been going on far too long (since Setesh was around 6 months old, he’s 18 months old now) that’s almost a year and a half when you think about it. A year and a half that we havent been friends, havent spoken, haven’t even seen more than walking past, head down, while they stare. When your a mother, and you are being this closely watched by other mothers who actually have no part in your life, it becomes worrying. I don’t even go to my local shopping centre anymore because the thought of possibly being watched makes me anxious. Even to the supermarket 5 mins away from my house makes me anxious because coincidently one of the girls children attend facilitys across the road from it. With technology rapidly improving, facebook heading towards major stalker Ville. With having these girls blocked, how is it that they can still closely monitor everything that goes on in my life public and personal. When is enough just enough? When can people just live without others becoming obsessed with their every move and continually talking about you?
Truth is were going in the opposite direction, it is becoming the ‘norm’ to know exactly where your friends are, who they are with and what they are doing right down the the anmount of toilet paper they use (google ipoo app for iPhone.) It has become acceptable for 6-9 year olds to have a facebook account, if you are a user of facebook you might be aware of the ‘show my location’ option. One click of a button and people can see exactly where you are… Right down to the address. Since when did it become normal to just freely people know where you live? It truly is just inviting stalkers – unlike most adults these days (i say most because it seems common sense is less common among adults these days) a 9 year old girl isn’t really going to understand that it is unsafe to freely give out that information online – but what really gets to me is why was this particular setting created?
Who in their right mind honestly thinks that their child under the age of 13 (legal age to have facebook) is mature enough to be online a social networking site, that with the click of a button, that creepy old man posing as a cute, 16 y.o, one direction band member look alike, can see exactly where you live?
Sometimes I think after all my ranting, maybe I am the only one that cares about this. I think people need to look at the bigger picture instead of just thinking about connecting with people all over the world. Who knows – rant over.
38 weeks and 6 days down… Only today is left to go.
Yes! The long wait is almost over, it will be over tomorrow in fact. Tomorrow I will be heading in to have my second son, this time I will be awake.
My last cesarean, sadly I was placed under general anesthetic at the last minute because it was an emergency. I must admit I do sort of wish they were going to put me to sleep this time aswell. I am anxious, I am scared and technically this will be my second ever surgery… And I will be awake…
Sure they place a screen up so you can’t see. They do a spinal block so you can’t feel. But they don’t have an imagination block to help rid me of all the crazy thoughts I am having – I’ve seen medical shows and I know what it looks like when someone is cut open and sewn back up… And that will be happening to me… And I’m going to be awake, AH!
Maybe I am overreacting – but I can’t help it. So I’m going to try and sleep all day so I don’t think about it.
No don’t take the title literally. Lately I have been slowly decreasing the ammount of time I spend a day watching the news – something I used to be quite fond of until recently. I used to love watching it, being fully aware of what was going on in the world, I looked forward to the weather report and the currency report… All up until recently it suddenly hit me, its not news I’m watching, its gossip and fakery – mainstream media… Where we sit on the edge of our seat waiting to see what trouble the next celebrity has gotten into.
It feels like the ammount of real news we can witness is going down day by day, as we are more consumed in vanity and gossip… And with the help of social networking sites, its easier to get inside people’s head with the idea that we should be living our lives a surtain way… Sadly many of us fall for different types of this ‘brain washing’ from what exercise we should be doing all the way to the type of people we should be, not to mention how much money we should be earning to be classified as successful.
We are even lead to believe that the less unfortunate people, people who rely on government benifits, food stamps, welfare – what ever you want to name it – are good for nothing doll bludgers who have no intentions of getting a job and just want to live off others tax money. Now I will admit I fall under the category of a ‘doll bludger’ at the moment – I can’t work I am a monther of an 18 month old and I am 38 weeks pregnant. I also believe that in order to give my children a good start in life, I should spend the next 5 years (before they head off to school) teaching them as much as I can. Others don’t share my views – therefore I am labled a ‘doll bludging lazy mother’ regardless wether I’m pregnant or not.
We have been led to believe that mothers should no longer have the right to stay home with their kids because its ‘lazy’ and they should have a stable job. The reality is kids need their mothers… Around. Yes its all good and well to have a job and work, those children do fine, but not all children cam handle the busy lifestyle of being rushed of to childcare everytime mum or dad has to go to work. So us stay home mothers… We are doing our job and in some country’s, we don’t get paid for it – I am lucky in my country I do get paid to stay home and look after my children, lucky me I guess… Except it comes with a label like most things socially unacceptable ‘doll bludger.’
There is not only that, there is the issue of the ‘latest technology’ and how everyone should have it. There is a cycle that goes on where I live and this can explain why there are so many ‘doll bludgers’ here. So you walk up to a retail place with your CV/Resume. You get told that you can only apply online… Thing is not everyone has a computer or access to one. Now nearly everyone assumes we are all up to speed with the latest technology – I mean if you don’t have a smart phone you must live in a cave right? Yeah didn’t think so… So why do we assume that everyone has internet and smart phones and big TVs etc… The majority of people who don’t have jobs that I meet, they are on welfare… And they try and try to get a job, except they either aren’t qualified or they are not up to speed with the ‘latest technology’ and miss out because for some reason, retail stores will gladly send you out the door if you try and provide them with a good old fashioned paper CV – yeah none of that retro old tree shit here… Thus ending in people who have no job and still can’t afford the latest technology to get a job.
So I flick on the tv and turn to the ‘news’ and there is 1 section about hurricane sandy – sympathy goes out to you all in the midst. 1 tiny section on a local stabbing 1 section on finance and weather and the rest of the hour long program? What we should be wearing, who’s body shape we should be obtaining, Shane Warne makeovers, Kim Kardashian sex tapes, mummy kardashians awesome ‘mumagerial’ skills, which celeb has ended up in the dog house again and the latest technology we should all own… And some puppies that were born under a house and were rescued by fireman…
So umm I may be a little out of line when I say this but – when did celebrity status and gossip, indirectly making people weight conscious and worried they don’t look enough like the celebritys and some puppies being born count as news? When?
What about science, and outaspace, and planets, and protons and neutrons, elements, minerals, black holes, natural disasters, education, etc etc… What about those important things? Instead of “hey want to know how to look like Kim Kardashian? Well loose a few pounds with this fattening diet shake that you should drink Instead of eating proper food like fruit, veg and meat, get some plastic surgery that will cost you thousands, get up to date with the latest technology, and put this dress on… And bam you will then look like her, and have the social status to match, you will then have millions of useless pieces of paper that we use as money, and be classed as successful – only then will you fit into society.”