Posts Tagged ‘crazy’
For those of you who are wondering, I posted my first draft copy, of my first chapter, of my first novel and for the first time. That is a lot of firsts. http://allworldissues.com/2012/12/05/rubys-notes-chapter-1-draft-thoughts/
I asked people for constructive criticism (yes good and bad) one thing you need to realize if you want to publish your work – you need to seek the criticism, and face the music – otherwise how are you going to improve and make it better?
Last night I spent a bit of time editing it (old school paper and pen style)
here is some of the edited copy – And for those who are wondering ALL my work IS in fact Copyrighted. So don’t be thieving
Being a school teacher wasn’t all it had cracked up to be. Sure there were a few perks, seeing the smiles on those children’s faces every time I entered the room, just as easily they smiled when it was time to pack their bags and go home, teaching them all about how the world works… How much they actually listen to is a different story. My name is Ruby, Ruby Kensington but you can call me Miss K.
I’m not married, I don’t even have a boyfriend, I don’t have children of my own and I don’t have any friends. No I am not a weirdo or maybe I am. You can decide that for yourself. I’m going to tell you a story about how I ended up in the position I am in.
June 28th 8:40pm. 1993
It was the 90’s and I was fresh out of law school, already I had already received my first job offer. I was desperate, so I went for it not knowing quite what I was getting myself into. We had arranged to meet at 9am the next day to discuss what the job involves, the only problem was that I did not know who I was meeting or why. I had received the phone call out of the blue, and the person I had spoken to did not go into any detail about the job, they just gave me a time and the address of where I would be meeting my ‘potential employer.’ When you are a lawyer, you don’t think too much about those types of phone calls – although I would have preferred to pick the location myself.
That night I had a group date with my best friends Chloe and Sandra.
They had been my friends since we were in law school. Chloe had long blond hair with colors running through it, pinks, purples, blues and oranges. She was short, maybe 5’2 and she was very socially awkward. When Chloe was younger she really wanted to be a hairdresser, but her mum forced her into attending law school. Chloe didn’t want to upset her mother, so, she used her talents with hair as a side business as a way to make some extra cash. Now Sandra on the other hand was the complete opposite. Sandra was a girl of status in the law industry – as her dad was a lawyer. She was tall with luscious tanned legs that go for miles. Sandra had dark hair and dark eyes, with a European look to her plus she was really skinny and everything about her screamed sexy. Sandra always had all the guys pining over her like little puppies, even though she turned them all down.
As the night progressed I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was being watched. You know the type of feeling you get when you think there is someone who just won’t stop staring at you? The hairs on the back of your neck stand up and cold shivers run down your spine, as if someone had ‘just walked over your grave’ as they say. That’s the feeling I had now, so I decided to call it a night with my friends and walk home.
As I was walking I started to feel dizzy, queasy even… did I really drink that much? A few minutes passed by and I couldn’t bring myself to walk any further. I hailed the first cab I saw and jumped in. My house was about a 10 minute walk away from our favorite hangout but I just couldn’t bear to walk any longer. The taxi drive made me feel worse. I wasn’t even sure if I was even in a taxi anymore and I just passed out.
I would love to pretend that I am fine, but I can only do for a little while, I am not fine with everything, especially not the past events in the last week or so.
I wrote a facebook status today
“Sometimes, in life you are faced with a crossroad, and you have to choose the right path. At the time you will never know what path to take, you just have to believe at the time it is the right one. You take that path and you find yourself at more crossroads… If you just have faith… you can overcome ANYTHING. No. Matter. What… even if it might have been a mistake… you cannot predict the future”
Sometimes you can find it hard to write straight from the heart, but that’s what I have been trying to do, even if I can’t just come out and say the right things to him, I just hope maybe he is feeling the genuine sadness I have about everything I have done.
I have started my own goal as to how I am going to fix everything, but I have to be an adult about things now and not a ‘stupid teenager’ who assumes that just saying sorry will fix things. Sorry doesn’t cut it. At. All…
People will know you are sorry, when you show them that you can grow the F up and act like you are genuinely sorry with your actions…
Step one. Apologise. Check
Step two. Seek professional help. – This one I am slowly doing… My doctor isn’t referring me to a ‘shrink’ per say, but a ‘therapist’ or ‘counsellor’ to help deal with the stress, depression and whatever other issues I want to address.
Step three. Re-introduce yourself… and I mean yourself… not the ‘I am hiding from my troubles’ self the “I got help, are you happy now, because I am pretty darn happy with myself at the moment’ self.
Step four. Well I haven’t made this step up yet… but I assume it has something to do with seeing how all of those three steps pan out.
I can’t say I really put much thought into any of this, but what I can say if that just like my facebook status says… You cannot predict the future, and that is the main thing to remember here.
I cannot predict the future… so throw at me your worst. I will come back from everything thrown at me.
Big pregnant woman out and about in the rain seeking professional help for issues locked in Pandora’s box.
Posted September 28, 2012on:
If you are one of my regular readers, then you already know I have been sick for quite a while, a few months, well June-July-ish to now actually (if anyone is wondering what is 3-4 months.) Today I am going to the doctors, not to sort out the sickness thing, because I have seen what he does to the incredibly sick people, and I am not too fond on having a swab attached to a metal rod jammed up my nose. But to get my referral to my shrink, yes Mr or miss professional, I will call you a shrink because it sound so much cooler than ‘Crazy Lady Helper’ ha, ha, ha…
Anyway, that should be interesting, maybe I will get given an appointment soon, maybe my doctor will talk to me himself, I am actually expecting him to just prescribe me crazy pills and send me home.
Ok before we continue… As of yet I do not actually know if I am ‘crazy’ I am merely making jokes about it to make myself feel more comfortable about the whole situation. I mean it is not every day you go to your doctor and ask “Hey I think I might be slightly insane because I have issues that go back to childhood and its gotten to the point I actually have to share my life story with someone and deal with it, help!”
I wanted to talk a bit about how I feel about my recent split with Mr right, it is a horrible series of events leading up to this part where I talk about it, a lot of tissues were discarded in the process of coming to terms with everything. I love him you know, but there comes a time in your life where you have to say “No, enough is enough, we NEED to go sort out our issues before we continue on with anything else” and this is why I am going to go seek professional help. I do have my issues, like we all do, but I have never tried to deal with mine or sort them out until now, I have always just avoided the situation entirely, changed subjects, shut myself out and said “No it’s not there I am fine.”
I hope he sorts out his issues too… I hope for our children the most. Mr Right will always be in my life no matter what, and I would not want it any other way to be honest, this isn’t one of those “Oh I hate you don’t ever speak to me again” break ups it is more like a “I’m sorry, I need to sort my shit out” break ups.
It’s raining today, ‘Big pregnant woman out and about in the rain seeking professional help for issues locked in Pandora’s box.’ Yep that will be the title of this post today, time to go get ready to unleash the crazy.
Among yesterdays choices I have decided i am going to go see a shrink… Yep thats right, lets see if i can get all my issues sorted out… Starting from primary school and working my way up through abusive relationships, and landind right here where i am now. I wonder how long it will all take to be honest. Would defintally give me something to write about… Maybe talking about it to someone other than Jordan will be good for me. I have a fear that i will say one thing and instantly i will get stuck in a straight jacket and shiped off to a mental hospital… But i know that wont happen… Right?
Not too long ago I decided I would re-activate my facebook to keep in contact with distant family… Man do I regret that. I remember now why I quit it in the first place.
They need a facebook rehab. Yes I do see the few benifits of facebook and why it is so addictive but when you go a few months without using the site, you realize how pointless it has become. Once a site to keep connected now a site to be ashamed of. Shame on you facebook users.
Shame on you for creating groups such as ‘sluts embarrassing themselves’ and stealing girls pictures for your group and shame on those who support that behaviour. Shame on parents who allow their underaged 9-12 year olds use facebook without close monitoring. Shame on girls posting nude photos of themselves… It’s facebook for faceporn. Just shame on you…
I really had hope for the newer generations to mine when I was younger, I used to this ‘man when these kids grow up they’ll have so much opportunity and so much to look forward too’ but now I see that all they care about is fighting on facebook, looking good on facebook, who has more friends on facebook and so on.
When I was 9 I was sitting at home with my parents doing home work or playing pokemon monopoly with my sisters (still love that game.) I didn’t go to the shops dressed like a stripper and hangout at my local shopping center with my ‘mates’ and I surtainly did not pay attention to boys.
Now when I go to the shopping center I see that… From children and teenagers.
I didn’t go to my first real ‘party’ until I was 14 and it was the worst mistake I had made because my so called ‘friends’ decided it was funny to spread a rumor about me at school the next day all because a boy said hi to me.
When I was 14 I still hadn’t had my first ‘real’ boyfriend. Now kids are sexually active before they are even in highschool. Still children… It’s sad really. I mean am I supposed to have hope for my kids future if the generation that are having children are children themselves?
Maybe I am just crazy and its exactally the same as when I was a kid minus the fact that technology wasn’t the best back then. Or maybe… Just maybe I am not and the newer generations are acting like a complete bunch of morons that need to get back to reality…
Maybe I am just having a bad day… A very bad cynical day… Hmm