Posts Tagged ‘parenting’
A lot of people look at babies and think ‘Awe they are so cute’, then they grow into kids, scream the house down, throw tantrums, answer back and completely disrespect you. Suddenly nobody wants kids…
I am a stay at home mum with a dream of becoming a holder of a PH.D in neuroscience, as most of you all know already. I have two kids under the age of two. Being a stay at home mum means a few things – I make the meals and then I clean up the mess. Since moving into the new house I have developed a small case of OCD with my cleaning and some things have been cleaned everyday religiously… Sometimes multiple times. I basically have a lot of time on my hands to purposely make dishes just to clean them so I have stuff to do during the day.
While doing the dishes the other day I began to ponder life (as you do while your hands are in soapy water, dangerously surrounded by knives that were carelessly placed in the murky water). I though about how many people have a lot of negative things to say about being a parent… Basically shit gets ruined and mum and dad don’t like that. Well I wanted to break the trend, because I personally love being a mum. So here are my top 15 reasons why I love being a parent.
1: Cartoons… So when you are older you can totally watch cartoons as day if you felt like it, but without kids, who are you going to share your most loved childhood cartoons with?
2: Early nights… Again, you can choose to do this when you don’t have kids, but you also can feel obligated to go to every Tom, Dick and Harry’s party you get invited to when you don’t have kids. When you are a parent most of the time it is socially unacceptable to be found at a party, getting ‘sloshed’ and risking your life while your kids are with the baby sitter non the wiser… I don’t party, so I treasure the choice of having an early or late night with no obligations to anyone other than my children.
3: Baby wipes… I once cleaned a whole entire material couch with 1 packet of baby wipes, and a whole kitchen, and carpet.. Oh and the bathroom. Baby wipes are AMAZING! When you have kids you have access to one of the most amazing cleaning product out there.
4: Nappies… So nappies are really absorbent right (well duh it their sole purpose)… Well think of it this way, you spill coffee into your carpet, instead of scrubbing for ages trying to get all the liquid out of the carpet, you could just, you know, suck it all up with a nappies or two
5: Carpet… Carpet is soft and warm and babies love carpet… That is all.
6: Cute outfits… So a womanly figure in your family has invited you to her baby shower, yes! Time to go cute outfit shopping, but it doesn’t last quite as long as it will for her. See you may only take an hour to indulge in this pleasurable activity. Us mothers get a few years to indulge in the addictive activity known as ‘overly cute outfit shopping’… But honestly, it’s so worth it.
7: Baking… Well you do need to teach them how to cook somehow right?
8: Coffee… As you all know I love my coffee, and these days I spend a lot more time smelling and reading the packets before I buy. Did you know the French will save up their money for weeks and travel a fair distance just to buy something amazing, rather than settling on the crappy cheap version at home? Trust me it’s worth it.
9: Bath time… Bubble baths are fun! as we grow older, we tend to forget what it was like when we were kids, bath time was one of our favourite times. We could trek through the snow and meet Santa at the North Pole, all with some water and bubbles.
10: Nap time… I love nap time because you can have a few hours of quiet. I don’t bother using nap time as my cleaning time, I can clean around my kids or I can clean when my kids are awake. If I do house work while they are awake then I can use their nap time as time to myself, time to read some of my current book (I’ve finished The casual vacancy so I am not reading anything at the moment) or watch some day time TV.
11: Toy section… I have a justified reason to walk past every toy in the toy section and press every button I feel I need to press.
12: Cinema… When I was younger I hardly went to the movies, or watched movies for that matter. My attention span for movies and Tv shows is fairly short depending on what’s on, kudos to the directors and script writer/writers if you manage to hold my attention… When you have kids you can go to the movies every time there is a new ice age movie, sit in with them and indulge in popcorn and coke if you want to. Yes you could do this when you are an adult, but it feels more meaningful if you bring your kids.
13: Lego… I know I know, this should have been number one. I could write a huge paragraph on how Lego is amazing, but lets face it… We all know how amazing those little plastic blocks of magic are, my paragraph would probably not do Lego any justice… So I will just leave this paragraph with this picture.
14: Learning… Ignorance isn’t bliss when you are a parent, unless you let it be so… I love that I am constantly learning as a parent.
15: I am never lonely and that is pretty self explanatory.
Being a parent is great!
When I hear someone say “when I have children I wont let them do this” or “this is how I will do that” I now laugh… deeply… inside.
Fact is, until you actually HAVE the children, wow, you have no idea what it is like… AT ALL. Just because you have baby sat children, it still does not mean you know what having children is like.
When you are a parent you are on call 24/7, have you seen those memes floating around the internet saying something along the lines of ”im a mum, it’s a 24 hour job, im a cook, a cleaner, a nurse, a counselor… etc” yes well to break it to you lightly, its true and the baby sitter means jack! sure your time is appreciated, but don’t gage your experience with children based on a few hours of looking after someone elses children. Even as a parent, I am still challenged with my kids.
I have 2 children under 2. Before I had kids, I had all these visions of what I would do as a mother, how I would be, how I would have the best behaved children in the world. PFFT!!!
The reality is this – Yesterday I was checking my phone because I am in the process of finding a new house, and developing the new website… And Setesh (21 months old) comes walking out with two toilet rolls saying “Mummy, disgusting, ew” I look up and thought “how cute he knows that toilet stuff isn’t very savory” Until he handed me them… They were wet, and he attempted to flush them down the toilet, failed, and brought them to me… So I went to check the toilet… Baby wipes everywhere, toilet brush in the toilet, baby wipes in the toilet and the wooden toilet role holder.
I cleaned it up, smiled and told Setesh to try harder next time… because although this really upset me, he’s just a toddler. Now most people without children in that situation will turn around and say to you “Why weren’t you watching him” or “I would have done this”… Well no, no you wouldn’t of, and you wouldn’t have noticed him do that either… until he handed you the toilet rolls.
One thing you have to realise when you are a parent, is all the plans that you had, for your children, will never, ever, ever happen the way you want them too. Children are selfish, children are quick as lighting, so unless you follow them around all day, or keep them in a cage, you wont ever be able to watch them 24/7 and children are a lot smarter than you give them credit for aswell.
Did you know that when a child is born, it has the ability to speak any language in the world, the language they end up speaking though depends on what language you teach them? you can teach a baby to speak multiple languages from as little as 4-5 months, and if you keep up the lessons in other languages then they will speak them fluently throughout their life. Kids don’t learn on their own, it takes a lot of teaching and a lot of observing of others around them. If you aren’t teaching your child to talk, it very well might never talk… ever.
Being a parent is difficult, unpredictable, joyful and it can be upsetting. It is stressful, painful and often you find yourself wondering ‘what have I done wrong.’
We don’t get manuals as parents, so to try to create your own before you have kids is pointless, because they wont read it, and you wont remember it… so honestly …don’t bother.
For those of you who are wondering, I posted my first draft copy, of my first chapter, of my first novel and for the first time. That is a lot of firsts.
I asked people for constructive criticism (yes good and bad) one thing you need to realize if you want to publish your work – you need to seek the criticism, and face the music – otherwise how are you going to improve and make it better?
Last night I spent a bit of time editing it (old school paper and pen style)
here is some of the edited copy – And for those who are wondering ALL my work IS in fact Copyrighted. So don’t be thieving
Being a school teacher wasn’t all it had cracked up to be. Sure there were a few perks, seeing the smiles on those children’s faces every time I entered the room, just as easily they smiled when it was time to pack their bags and go home, teaching them all about how the world works… How much they actually listen to is a different story. My name is Ruby, Ruby Kensington but you can call me Miss K.
I’m not married, I don’t even have a boyfriend, I don’t have children of my own and I don’t have any friends. No I am not a weirdo or maybe I am. You can decide that for yourself. I’m going to tell you a story about how I ended up in the position I am in.
June 28th 8:40pm. 1993
It was the 90’s and I was fresh out of law school, already I had already received my first job offer. I was desperate, so I went for it not knowing quite what I was getting myself into. We had arranged to meet at 9am the next day to discuss what the job involves, the only problem was that I did not know who I was meeting or why. I had received the phone call out of the blue, and the person I had spoken to did not go into any detail about the job, they just gave me a time and the address of where I would be meeting my ‘potential employer.’ When you are a lawyer, you don’t think too much about those types of phone calls – although I would have preferred to pick the location myself.
That night I had a group date with my best friends Chloe and Sandra.
They had been my friends since we were in law school. Chloe had long blond hair with colors running through it, pinks, purples, blues and oranges. She was short, maybe 5’2 and she was very socially awkward. When Chloe was younger she really wanted to be a hairdresser, but her mum forced her into attending law school. Chloe didn’t want to upset her mother, so, she used her talents with hair as a side business as a way to make some extra cash. Now Sandra on the other hand was the complete opposite. Sandra was a girl of status in the law industry – as her dad was a lawyer. She was tall with luscious tanned legs that go for miles. Sandra had dark hair and dark eyes, with a European look to her plus she was really skinny and everything about her screamed sexy. Sandra always had all the guys pining over her like little puppies, even though she turned them all down.
As the night progressed I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was being watched. You know the type of feeling you get when you think there is someone who just won’t stop staring at you? The hairs on the back of your neck stand up and cold shivers run down your spine, as if someone had ‘just walked over your grave’ as they say. That’s the feeling I had now, so I decided to call it a night with my friends and walk home.
As I was walking I started to feel dizzy, queasy even… did I really drink that much? A few minutes passed by and I couldn’t bring myself to walk any further. I hailed the first cab I saw and jumped in. My house was about a 10 minute walk away from our favorite hangout but I just couldn’t bear to walk any longer. The taxi drive made me feel worse. I wasn’t even sure if I was even in a taxi anymore and I just passed out.
I wish I was super mum – more so I wish she existed, and that she could come give me lesson. But much like most things to good to be true – they aren’t there and sadly never will be. I envy those mums who get up at 6am, have breakfast on the table by the time the kids are awake, kids get ready for school and by 10am mum has the house spotless, washing done and is down at the beauty salon getting her nails done.with her girlfriends… I envy those mums – why? Well because they are ‘super mum’ But they are also only on TV. Why be envious of the picture perfect scripted, acted, fake TV mum? The same reason women are envious or the airbrushed ‘skinny’ but in real like voluptuous women we see plastered all over the media – it is pretty much shoved in our face. But why the mum in particular? Well, since becoming a mother I have noticed a few things… Most mothers treat it like a competition, who’s child walks, talks and jumps through hoops first – shit if horse’s weren’t so expensive, every baby would have one now and they would be upgraded as regularly as the latest apple product came out. I came to this realization when my first son was born. All the mothers I knew were sharing where their children were at, development wise, and so I joined in with my friends because, well, they were my friends right? Wrong! I shared what my son had just learnt and wow! I had never been so shocked at a fellow mothers behavior towards me. Suddenly I was being called stupid by not just 1 mother, 3 of them… These girls who were supposed to be my friends, my support group, were suddenly abusing me for what my son had learnt to do? Yeah I can say for sure now – glad that didn’t last!
So why so competitive? Why is it such a huge problem to some mums if someone else’s child can crawl, walk or talk earlier before there’s? I know mothers with special needs children and you know what – they encourage all the non special needs children to achieve their best, they help them and they not once get angry because the seemingly ‘normal’ child does stuff before their child. So why aren’t we all taking a lesson from their book?
I’ve written a few posts about social media and how it has effected me, but honestly how does it effect you? When we are on social media sites, we are bombarded with advertisments, mainly of the fitness variety, telling us we need to be lose weight and be skinny and we can do it with these magic pills, or this meal replacement which happens to just be flavoured powder full of crap. We are faced with many images of our skinny friends and our overweight friends, our rich friends, our poor friends and that group of friends, that quite frankly, you wonder if they were raised on the street’s. We get app requests and game requests, we can like pages and we have pages suggested to us. We are faced with photos of sick children or abused animals, telling us if we don’t click a button on the screen then we are horrible people – much like of we aren’t skinny then we are unattractive people.
When we give birth we are given all these pamphlets, magazines and webside URLs, that tell us, when out child his thus age they should be doing this… Yes special needs Children aren’t left out of this game. We are told by nurses, midwives, doctors, specialists and well you get the idea, every professional under the sun “your child isn’t developing ‘normally’ like the other children” if they are the slightest off the milestone chart, and you are abused by jealous mothers and your child leaves those professionals astounded and confused, of your child is seemingly ‘ahead’ of all the other children.
It is no wonder some mums get jealous if their children don’t hit their ‘milestones’ It’s something that is bought up constantly throughout a child’s life. This does not exclude height and weight. We all want to be ‘super mum’ because we don’t want to fail our children as a parent, its why we want them to be ‘ahead’ or seek an explanation or diagnosis if they aren’t.
It has recently come to my attention that lately I have dished out a few mediocre posts but nothing spectacularly amazing like I used to. Now I am not sure if it because I becoming ever so slightly angrier each day with being pregnant or because I am losing my mojo for good this time.
Let’s re-cap a bit on the past events of last month. The month that was October – Ok well… Nothing overly spectacular happened.
I sat at home nearly every day and grew some more baby… ate a few (ok 6) custard tarts, taught my son some new tricks, watched him learn some on his own (climbing the couch and leaping off it) listened to some music and saw a few friends.
Well I guess something did happen that was interesting – the unintentional leading on a guy then realising it then cutting off contact with him – Remember back to this post
Where I talk about my friend who I hadn’t seen in 5 years and he had a daughter? Yeah well I decided to let our children hang out and boy… I think that was a bad idea. Not because there is something really wrong with the guy… But because I had no intention or interest in forming a relationship with this guy other than our kids hanging out. So it started off with him texting me a bit too much – ok let’s try every single day. I thought “well I guess he just wants to get to know me because why wouldn’t you want to be able to semi-trust someone who will be near your children” so I took it as a harmless thing. I made it very clear to him by talking about my recent relationship that I was, not only not interested in forming a relationship with anyone but I was also not interested in him, and then I met his children… Now I must say I am not really one to judge other people parenting unless I find something extremely wrong with it in my mind. I can tell you one thing was for sure… I did not like his parenting at all… or the fact that he lived at him mothers place in a tiny house and his mother and step father are hoarders… Now it’s not so bad when you are a hoarder and you keep everything nice and neat, but if you don’t have a lounge room anymore because it is being overrun by kids clothes, toys, shoes, baby gates, cot pieces, little lounge sweet, bits to toys you don’t have etc… It gets a bit much… especially if every room is like that including the bathroom with toiletries, the kitchen with TV’s and fridges and magnets.
Now that wasn’t the only thing, while our kids were playing (my son is 18 months old and his daughters were 5 and 20 months old) I would just sit there, with nothing to say at all, not a single thing, and when he did speak it was more so like ‘blah blah blah’ to me because nothing he talked about interested me NOTHING!
And then I realised that I had accidentally lead on this guy without intentionally doing so… and without trying… just me letting our kids hang out and he got the wrong idea. Maybe he missed the ‘not available’ sign slapped all over my text msg’s or completely ignored me when I said ‘I am not looking to get into a relationship with anyone.’
So I couldn’t stand the no conversation, he thought he was going to score with me, I did not agree with the way he parented his children (I haven’t gone into this but let’s just say his youngest had a little children’s fruit bar filled with crap for dinner instead of a proper meal) and I couldn’t stand his parents, his parents’ house, being in the house made me feel sick… So what is the point in being friends with someone I cannot stand one bit?
So I decided to take him off my Facebook and not contact him again – this is when it got freaky… He noticed within the hour that I removed him off Facebook and sent me a text msg and asked me about it…
Who notices when you remove them off Facebook and asks within the hour of someone doing it? honestly… someone who is stalking your Facebook profile.. That’s who, because Facebook does not notify you when someone deletes. Thus proving – that he had the wrong idea.
Basically I am glad I ended that friendship within the first week or so of it forming and now I remember why I had not seen or spoken to or tried to speak to this person in 5 years.
Is it time to get back to reality? I think so!
I would like to also take the time to mention I noticed this today
I wanted to say WOW! Just wow… seriously? That is AMAZING!!! I am really proud of that! And it could never have been achieved without ANY of you. So big thankyou to all my amazing readers and followers, you mean a lot to me – And so much for thinking I was just producing some mediocre stuff.
So as mentioned in my previous post ‘Why? Because I am a mum I am currently reading Dont sweat the small stuff for mums: Simple ways to stress less and enjoy your family more, written by Kristine Carlson.
I havent read much more since that post earlier today, but I did say that I was going to write some more about it. So where do I start? I took a few photos of some chapter titles to help with this particular post. So here we go.
It is true, I have been in many situations where I have been looked down upon for my parenting, and I am sure that you (if you are a mum reading this) have been in this situation too. I would have to admit, there are some mums I know, that I would not see as ‘the perfect mother’ and some that I just do not see the ‘mothering quality’ at all… But as it explains in the book, just because your parenting style is different to that of your fellow mothers in crime, does not mean it is not working for them. Every child is different, every child needs to be taught different, every child has different energy and achedemic levels, and who knows your child best than you? So you adapt your parenting to suit each individual child.
Being a mum is stressfull… Very stressfull… And we have our good days and our bad days, it is important that we ‘nourish our spirit’ as well as our over all mental health. What this means is it is ok to take time for yourself, have a breather, and dont feel guilty about it! Honestly who cares if your partner is nagging you because you want a 20 minute break – he can look after the kids for a bit. If you are a single mum Kristine suggests that you make a safe play area outside of your bedroom door so that if something happens you can still be there. We need time out of each day to regain our composure and our energy, otherwise we are usless and cranky. And nobody wants that.
I don’t need to go into detail with this one, all I will say is Kristine suggests you warn those around you that you are having an off day and not to take your mood to heart.
This particular one is mentioned in one of the other ‘don’t sweat the small stuff’ books in the series, and I think this one in particular applys to everyone. The act of breathing before you speak is simple: when someone says something to you take a breath before you respond – this not only allows the other person to see that you are listening to them, it gives you time to think clearly about what you are going to say back to them. How annoying is it when you are speaking to someone and they cut you off mid sentence because they are so eager to be center of attention? I have had this many times, and find I cannot get a word in, then I notice myself doing it back to them… Which makes it worse. So try breathing before you speak, you might find the person you are talking to starts to do the same.
My personal addition… Sit down and sip on a drink you really enjoy, read a book or reflect on your day, write a personal diary entry about your day, week or year. Reflect a bit, maybe write a post for your blog reflecting your time on wordpress. I would like to take the time to reflect on my post I posted earlyer today where I screen shot my progess so far.
I had this many views and now I would like to just sit here be happy for a moment about this
Taken a few hours later, I really do appreciate everyone who has been stopping by to have a read of my posts and leave a friendly comment. Thank you again for all the support!