Posts Tagged ‘relationships’
For those of you who are wondering, I posted my first draft copy, of my first chapter, of my first novel and for the first time. That is a lot of firsts. http://allworldissues.com/2012/12/05/rubys-notes-chapter-1-draft-thoughts/
I asked people for constructive criticism (yes good and bad) one thing you need to realize if you want to publish your work – you need to seek the criticism, and face the music – otherwise how are you going to improve and make it better?
Last night I spent a bit of time editing it (old school paper and pen style)
here is some of the edited copy – And for those who are wondering ALL my work IS in fact Copyrighted. So don’t be thieving
Being a school teacher wasn’t all it had cracked up to be. Sure there were a few perks, seeing the smiles on those children’s faces every time I entered the room, just as easily they smiled when it was time to pack their bags and go home, teaching them all about how the world works… How much they actually listen to is a different story. My name is Ruby, Ruby Kensington but you can call me Miss K.
I’m not married, I don’t even have a boyfriend, I don’t have children of my own and I don’t have any friends. No I am not a weirdo or maybe I am. You can decide that for yourself. I’m going to tell you a story about how I ended up in the position I am in.
June 28th 8:40pm. 1993
It was the 90’s and I was fresh out of law school, already I had already received my first job offer. I was desperate, so I went for it not knowing quite what I was getting myself into. We had arranged to meet at 9am the next day to discuss what the job involves, the only problem was that I did not know who I was meeting or why. I had received the phone call out of the blue, and the person I had spoken to did not go into any detail about the job, they just gave me a time and the address of where I would be meeting my ‘potential employer.’ When you are a lawyer, you don’t think too much about those types of phone calls – although I would have preferred to pick the location myself.
That night I had a group date with my best friends Chloe and Sandra.
They had been my friends since we were in law school. Chloe had long blond hair with colors running through it, pinks, purples, blues and oranges. She was short, maybe 5’2 and she was very socially awkward. When Chloe was younger she really wanted to be a hairdresser, but her mum forced her into attending law school. Chloe didn’t want to upset her mother, so, she used her talents with hair as a side business as a way to make some extra cash. Now Sandra on the other hand was the complete opposite. Sandra was a girl of status in the law industry – as her dad was a lawyer. She was tall with luscious tanned legs that go for miles. Sandra had dark hair and dark eyes, with a European look to her plus she was really skinny and everything about her screamed sexy. Sandra always had all the guys pining over her like little puppies, even though she turned them all down.
As the night progressed I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was being watched. You know the type of feeling you get when you think there is someone who just won’t stop staring at you? The hairs on the back of your neck stand up and cold shivers run down your spine, as if someone had ‘just walked over your grave’ as they say. That’s the feeling I had now, so I decided to call it a night with my friends and walk home.
As I was walking I started to feel dizzy, queasy even… did I really drink that much? A few minutes passed by and I couldn’t bring myself to walk any further. I hailed the first cab I saw and jumped in. My house was about a 10 minute walk away from our favorite hangout but I just couldn’t bear to walk any longer. The taxi drive made me feel worse. I wasn’t even sure if I was even in a taxi anymore and I just passed out.
It has recently come to my attention that lately I have dished out a few mediocre posts but nothing spectacularly amazing like I used to. Now I am not sure if it because I becoming ever so slightly angrier each day with being pregnant or because I am losing my mojo for good this time.
Let’s re-cap a bit on the past events of last month. The month that was October – Ok well… Nothing overly spectacular happened.
I sat at home nearly every day and grew some more baby… ate a few (ok 6) custard tarts, taught my son some new tricks, watched him learn some on his own (climbing the couch and leaping off it) listened to some music and saw a few friends.
Well I guess something did happen that was interesting – the unintentional leading on a guy then realising it then cutting off contact with him – Remember back to this post http://allworldissues.com/2012/10/22/hazelnut-lates-and-baby-chinos/
Where I talk about my friend who I hadn’t seen in 5 years and he had a daughter? Yeah well I decided to let our children hang out and boy… I think that was a bad idea. Not because there is something really wrong with the guy… But because I had no intention or interest in forming a relationship with this guy other than our kids hanging out. So it started off with him texting me a bit too much – ok let’s try every single day. I thought “well I guess he just wants to get to know me because why wouldn’t you want to be able to semi-trust someone who will be near your children” so I took it as a harmless thing. I made it very clear to him by talking about my recent relationship that I was, not only not interested in forming a relationship with anyone but I was also not interested in him, and then I met his children… Now I must say I am not really one to judge other people parenting unless I find something extremely wrong with it in my mind. I can tell you one thing was for sure… I did not like his parenting at all… or the fact that he lived at him mothers place in a tiny house and his mother and step father are hoarders… Now it’s not so bad when you are a hoarder and you keep everything nice and neat, but if you don’t have a lounge room anymore because it is being overrun by kids clothes, toys, shoes, baby gates, cot pieces, little lounge sweet, bits to toys you don’t have etc… It gets a bit much… especially if every room is like that including the bathroom with toiletries, the kitchen with TV’s and fridges and magnets.
Now that wasn’t the only thing, while our kids were playing (my son is 18 months old and his daughters were 5 and 20 months old) I would just sit there, with nothing to say at all, not a single thing, and when he did speak it was more so like ‘blah blah blah’ to me because nothing he talked about interested me NOTHING!
And then I realised that I had accidentally lead on this guy without intentionally doing so… and without trying… just me letting our kids hang out and he got the wrong idea. Maybe he missed the ‘not available’ sign slapped all over my text msg’s or completely ignored me when I said ‘I am not looking to get into a relationship with anyone.’
So I couldn’t stand the no conversation, he thought he was going to score with me, I did not agree with the way he parented his children (I haven’t gone into this but let’s just say his youngest had a little children’s fruit bar filled with crap for dinner instead of a proper meal) and I couldn’t stand his parents, his parents’ house, being in the house made me feel sick… So what is the point in being friends with someone I cannot stand one bit?
So I decided to take him off my Facebook and not contact him again – this is when it got freaky… He noticed within the hour that I removed him off Facebook and sent me a text msg and asked me about it…
Who notices when you remove them off Facebook and asks within the hour of someone doing it? honestly… someone who is stalking your Facebook profile.. That’s who, because Facebook does not notify you when someone deletes. Thus proving – that he had the wrong idea.
Basically I am glad I ended that friendship within the first week or so of it forming and now I remember why I had not seen or spoken to or tried to speak to this person in 5 years.
Is it time to get back to reality? I think so!
I would like to also take the time to mention I noticed this today
I wanted to say WOW! Just wow… seriously? That is AMAZING!!! I am really proud of that! And it could never have been achieved without ANY of you. So big thankyou to all my amazing readers and followers, you mean a lot to me – And so much for thinking I was just producing some mediocre stuff.
I would love to pretend that I am fine, but I can only do for a little while, I am not fine with everything, especially not the past events in the last week or so.
I wrote a facebook status today
“Sometimes, in life you are faced with a crossroad, and you have to choose the right path. At the time you will never know what path to take, you just have to believe at the time it is the right one. You take that path and you find yourself at more crossroads… If you just have faith… you can overcome ANYTHING. No. Matter. What… even if it might have been a mistake… you cannot predict the future”
Sometimes you can find it hard to write straight from the heart, but that’s what I have been trying to do, even if I can’t just come out and say the right things to him, I just hope maybe he is feeling the genuine sadness I have about everything I have done.
I have started my own goal as to how I am going to fix everything, but I have to be an adult about things now and not a ‘stupid teenager’ who assumes that just saying sorry will fix things. Sorry doesn’t cut it. At. All…
People will know you are sorry, when you show them that you can grow the F up and act like you are genuinely sorry with your actions…
Step one. Apologise. Check
Step two. Seek professional help. – This one I am slowly doing… My doctor isn’t referring me to a ‘shrink’ per say, but a ‘therapist’ or ‘counsellor’ to help deal with the stress, depression and whatever other issues I want to address.
Step three. Re-introduce yourself… and I mean yourself… not the ‘I am hiding from my troubles’ self the “I got help, are you happy now, because I am pretty darn happy with myself at the moment’ self.
Step four. Well I haven’t made this step up yet… but I assume it has something to do with seeing how all of those three steps pan out.
I can’t say I really put much thought into any of this, but what I can say if that just like my facebook status says… You cannot predict the future, and that is the main thing to remember here.
I cannot predict the future… so throw at me your worst. I will come back from everything thrown at me.
Big pregnant woman out and about in the rain seeking professional help for issues locked in Pandora’s box.
Posted September 28, 2012on:
If you are one of my regular readers, then you already know I have been sick for quite a while, a few months, well June-July-ish to now actually (if anyone is wondering what is 3-4 months.) Today I am going to the doctors, not to sort out the sickness thing, because I have seen what he does to the incredibly sick people, and I am not too fond on having a swab attached to a metal rod jammed up my nose. But to get my referral to my shrink, yes Mr or miss professional, I will call you a shrink because it sound so much cooler than ‘Crazy Lady Helper’ ha, ha, ha…
Anyway, that should be interesting, maybe I will get given an appointment soon, maybe my doctor will talk to me himself, I am actually expecting him to just prescribe me crazy pills and send me home.
Ok before we continue… As of yet I do not actually know if I am ‘crazy’ I am merely making jokes about it to make myself feel more comfortable about the whole situation. I mean it is not every day you go to your doctor and ask “Hey I think I might be slightly insane because I have issues that go back to childhood and its gotten to the point I actually have to share my life story with someone and deal with it, help!”
I wanted to talk a bit about how I feel about my recent split with Mr right, it is a horrible series of events leading up to this part where I talk about it, a lot of tissues were discarded in the process of coming to terms with everything. I love him you know, but there comes a time in your life where you have to say “No, enough is enough, we NEED to go sort out our issues before we continue on with anything else” and this is why I am going to go seek professional help. I do have my issues, like we all do, but I have never tried to deal with mine or sort them out until now, I have always just avoided the situation entirely, changed subjects, shut myself out and said “No it’s not there I am fine.”
I hope he sorts out his issues too… I hope for our children the most. Mr Right will always be in my life no matter what, and I would not want it any other way to be honest, this isn’t one of those “Oh I hate you don’t ever speak to me again” break ups it is more like a “I’m sorry, I need to sort my shit out” break ups.
It’s raining today, ‘Big pregnant woman out and about in the rain seeking professional help for issues locked in Pandora’s box.’ Yep that will be the title of this post today, time to go get ready to unleash the crazy.
Among yesterdays choices I have decided i am going to go see a shrink… Yep thats right, lets see if i can get all my issues sorted out… Starting from primary school and working my way up through abusive relationships, and landind right here where i am now. I wonder how long it will all take to be honest. Would defintally give me something to write about… Maybe talking about it to someone other than Jordan will be good for me. I have a fear that i will say one thing and instantly i will get stuck in a straight jacket and shiped off to a mental hospital… But i know that wont happen… Right?
Sometimes, even when you don’t really want to you have to make the decision to say goodbye. Because you know it is for the best for everyone, its not that I didn’t love him, or didn’t want to try and work things out, because I did, its because I knew he just didn’t want to be here anymore.
Just from all the things he was saying to people, and from how quickly he wanted to leave, how he said to my father he is going to go live overseas in 6 months. What i am wondering is what about his children?
He left me a note on his computer desktop, told me he would always love his children… how can you love your children if you just want to pack up, and live across the world, and not see them.
I knew he didn’t want to be here because he started reading ‘The Game’ by Neil Strauss… and he didn’t listen to me when I said we don’t have the money to do the courses he wanted to do. I guess its not his fault his job network lady didn’t tell him that only one of the course’s were going to cost $500… then the other two were $600 each, not to mention they all ran at the same time.
Maybe I shouldn’t have let it bother me when he screamed ‘f u’ at me when we fought… but that really gets to me, maybe i should have just ignored it. But i couldn’t, maybe if he made me believe he really did want to get a good job to help support the family instead. I mean the courses he wanted to do would secure him a good job in the future, but he just got angry at me for trying to tell him that we just couldn’t afford it. But i think the final straw was the comment he made after it… i knew it then he had to go home and be with his family and not here, because i knew he didn’t want to be here anymore.
I could tell he didn’t want it at all, i could tell he just wanted to be able to live the life he wanted without the responsibility of children and ‘my debt’
He didn’t even say ‘I love you see you when i get home’ before he left to go sign up for the course we couldn’t afford, he didn’t even say goodbye to his son, he just left in a rage because he wanted to do what ever instead of thinking about his family.
I am not sure if i can do this on my own at all, but i know he probably wants nothing to do with me, if he did want anything to do with me he wouldn’t of started paying me out to my parents straight away, or complained to my friend the other day. Maybe he could have at least said some nice things about me.
I look like the bad guy, and the crazy ex already now, and he is going to tell everyone he did everything for me and that i am just lazy… I admit he did a lot for me, but i also did a lot for him, sure what i did wasn’t housework all the time, but it was helping him with looking for job, doing his centerlink for him, always there to remind him about his appointments and phone calls he needed to make, getting numbers for him…
Sure i did hurt him early into the relationship… but he hurt me too, we both did out fair share of hurting each other over and over again.
I hope he truly gets his life on track, i hope he listens to his heart and not those around him telling him to go wild and crazy and lash out at everything, i hope he doesn’t make stupid decisions and dis-respect himself, I hope he can fill in his centerlink forms without me, and i hope he can get his license and continue with getting into an aged care course. I just hope he can show his son’s what a great man he can be. I also hope he doesn’t make me look to bad to his family…
i hope. i hope. i hope…
So as mentioned in my previous post ‘Why? Because I am a mum I am currently reading Dont sweat the small stuff for mums: Simple ways to stress less and enjoy your family more, written by Kristine Carlson.
I havent read much more since that post earlier today, but I did say that I was going to write some more about it. So where do I start? I took a few photos of some chapter titles to help with this particular post. So here we go.
It is true, I have been in many situations where I have been looked down upon for my parenting, and I am sure that you (if you are a mum reading this) have been in this situation too. I would have to admit, there are some mums I know, that I would not see as ‘the perfect mother’ and some that I just do not see the ‘mothering quality’ at all… But as it explains in the book, just because your parenting style is different to that of your fellow mothers in crime, does not mean it is not working for them. Every child is different, every child needs to be taught different, every child has different energy and achedemic levels, and who knows your child best than you? So you adapt your parenting to suit each individual child.
Being a mum is stressfull… Very stressfull… And we have our good days and our bad days, it is important that we ‘nourish our spirit’ as well as our over all mental health. What this means is it is ok to take time for yourself, have a breather, and dont feel guilty about it! Honestly who cares if your partner is nagging you because you want a 20 minute break – he can look after the kids for a bit. If you are a single mum Kristine suggests that you make a safe play area outside of your bedroom door so that if something happens you can still be there. We need time out of each day to regain our composure and our energy, otherwise we are usless and cranky. And nobody wants that.
I don’t need to go into detail with this one, all I will say is Kristine suggests you warn those around you that you are having an off day and not to take your mood to heart.
This particular one is mentioned in one of the other ‘don’t sweat the small stuff’ books in the series, and I think this one in particular applys to everyone. The act of breathing before you speak is simple: when someone says something to you take a breath before you respond – this not only allows the other person to see that you are listening to them, it gives you time to think clearly about what you are going to say back to them. How annoying is it when you are speaking to someone and they cut you off mid sentence because they are so eager to be center of attention? I have had this many times, and find I cannot get a word in, then I notice myself doing it back to them… Which makes it worse. So try breathing before you speak, you might find the person you are talking to starts to do the same.
My personal addition… Sit down and sip on a drink you really enjoy, read a book or reflect on your day, write a personal diary entry about your day, week or year. Reflect a bit, maybe write a post for your blog reflecting your time on wordpress. I would like to take the time to reflect on my post I posted earlyer today where I screen shot my progess so far.
I had this many views and now I would like to just sit here be happy for a moment about this
Taken a few hours later, I really do appreciate everyone who has been stopping by to have a read of my posts and leave a friendly comment. Thank you again for all the support!
Come, sit down, coffee? Or maybe tea? No matter.
I want to know how you are feeling right now. What’s on your mind.
Can I help?