So last time I updated my blog about my weight, I was at 66kg, that was very short lived, because well you know, Christmas time and all LOL!
But yeah… I jumped back up to 70kg after Christmas and 2 weeks ago I got back on the band wagon and last week I started to go to the gym (today is rest day.)
I also sliced my foot open on a love heart cookie cutter my son left on the ground (Yeah I am definitely feeling the love now Setesh.)
No matter, I will still hit the gym tomorrow, because I am not going to let a silly little (well actually huge) cut stop me from my goal.
Losing more weight.
I wanted to give you all an update of my progress.
So since I started clean eating and exercising 2 weeks ago I have dropped down to 67kg (I only started going to the gym 5 days ago and I have been 4 times.) I have cut out all breads and have reduced my sugar in my coffee to half a tea spoon AND I am drinking camomile tea instead of my usual English breakfast tea.
I am also following Larissa Reis workout schedule and almost the same diet (minus a few things you can’t purchase here where I live.)
While at the gym yesterday (it was leg day so I am lucky I cut my foot on rest day not before leg day) I learnt I smashed out 65kg on the sitting leg press 3 sets of 10reps (That is an amazing amount for a beginner who really doesn’t have much strength in her lower body.)
I can lift 25kg all together and I can do 8-10 chin ups at a time WOW!
I spent 40 mins on the cross trainer (burnt 314cal)
And that’s only the beginning.
Try this for breakfast next time you feel like eggs.
Poached eggs with salad – ingredients are really self-explanatory if you have a close look at the picture
I wish I was super mum – more so I wish she existed, and that she could come give me lesson. But much like most things to good to be true – they aren’t there and sadly never will be. I envy those mums who get up at 6am, have breakfast on the table by the time the kids are awake, kids get ready for school and by 10am mum has the house spotless, washing done and is down at the beauty salon getting her nails done.with her girlfriends… I envy those mums – why? Well because they are ‘super mum’ But they are also only on TV. Why be envious of the picture perfect scripted, acted, fake TV mum? The same reason women are envious or the airbrushed ‘skinny’ but in real like voluptuous women we see plastered all over the media – it is pretty much shoved in our face. But why the mum in particular? Well, since becoming a mother I have noticed a few things… Most mothers treat it like a competition, who’s child walks, talks and jumps through hoops first – shit if horse’s weren’t so expensive, every baby would have one now and they would be upgraded as regularly as the latest apple product came out. I came to this realization when my first son was born. All the mothers I knew were sharing where their children were at, development wise, and so I joined in with my friends because, well, they were my friends right? Wrong! I shared what my son had just learnt and wow! I had never been so shocked at a fellow mothers behavior towards me. Suddenly I was being called stupid by not just 1 mother, 3 of them… These girls who were supposed to be my friends, my support group, were suddenly abusing me for what my son had learnt to do? Yeah I can say for sure now – glad that didn’t last!
So why so competitive? Why is it such a huge problem to some mums if someone else’s child can crawl, walk or talk earlier before there’s? I know mothers with special needs children and you know what – they encourage all the non special needs children to achieve their best, they help them and they not once get angry because the seemingly ‘normal’ child does stuff before their child. So why aren’t we all taking a lesson from their book?
I’ve written a few posts about social media and how it has effected me, but honestly how does it effect you? When we are on social media sites, we are bombarded with advertisments, mainly of the fitness variety, telling us we need to be lose weight and be skinny and we can do it with these magic pills, or this meal replacement which happens to just be flavoured powder full of crap. We are faced with many images of our skinny friends and our overweight friends, our rich friends, our poor friends and that group of friends, that quite frankly, you wonder if they were raised on the street’s. We get app requests and game requests, we can like pages and we have pages suggested to us. We are faced with photos of sick children or abused animals, telling us if we don’t click a button on the screen then we are horrible people – much like of we aren’t skinny then we are unattractive people.
When we give birth we are given all these pamphlets, magazines and webside URLs, that tell us, when out child his thus age they should be doing this… Yes special needs Children aren’t left out of this game. We are told by nurses, midwives, doctors, specialists and well you get the idea, every professional under the sun “your child isn’t developing ‘normally’ like the other children” if they are the slightest off the milestone chart, and you are abused by jealous mothers and your child leaves those professionals astounded and confused, of your child is seemingly ‘ahead’ of all the other children.
It is no wonder some mums get jealous if their children don’t hit their ‘milestones’ It’s something that is bought up constantly throughout a child’s life. This does not exclude height and weight. We all want to be ‘super mum’ because we don’t want to fail our children as a parent, its why we want them to be ‘ahead’ or seek an explanation or diagnosis if they aren’t.
2010, I was 43kg and extremely underweight. I thought I looked great and other days I thought I was fat. To be completely honest with you all – I hardly ate anything, I smoked, took drugs nearly every weekend by this point, sometimes even a few times a week. I drank more than my fair share of coffee and smoked well over enough to fuel a family of 4 smokers. I was not healthy and when I look back at old photos of me, I looked sick, anorexic almost and bones aren’t attractive.
September 2010 I fell pregnant to Setesh – This was probably the biggest turning point in my life, my partner and I were excited and shocked at the same time. Through that pregnancy, I assume my body would have freaked out because shot straight up to 83kg. Going from 43kg to 83kg – For people who use pounds that is 94.79 pounds to 182.98 – In 10 months, that was a huge jump and a massive shock to me.
I have always been thin – too thin 5 ft 2” in height and always have been 50kg or below, my mother had to buy me children’s pants once and send them interstate to me while I was living in Ballarat. I had nearly every item of clothing from primary school, and I wore them up until I started gaining weight in my pregnancy.
Come Labour Day I landed myself an emergency C-section and was placed under a general anaesthetic. I woke up in my ward – I was confused, I didn’t really know what had just happened, my child and partner were nowhere to be seen and I had a huge wound in my lower abdomen that I never wanted. 4 hours later and I met my son for the first time; the relief on my partners face that I was ok was heart-warming.
I was bed ridden for 2 days before took those first extremely hard steps and the next 3 days were some of the hardest. I could not do anything, I couldn’t even change a nappy without shaking and my partner did everything. I even had the nurses express food from me for my partner to feed our baby. I never really did realise how much has done for me.
When we took the baby home, I was in pain in more ways than one – my wound and my heart. I felt disfigured from my unwanted surgery – even though so many other women out there have gone through the exact same – I felt like the only one, and that it had left me with an ugly body – I felt fat!
You can be big and beautiful they say, and I don’t doubt that, but there is a difference between being beautiful and feeling beautiful – I did not feel beautiful, at all!
I think this lack of confidence in myself and my looks caused one of the problems I had in my relationship – when you feel ugly and disfigured, and you are with someone who you think is the most attractive man I the world, you can develop a small or large jealousy issue – depending on what type of person you are. Now I have to admit, I can get pretty jealous when it comes to Jordan, but I think it would have been at its worse the year after the C-section. Especially when we moved to his home town to live for a while, I mean what are you supposed to feel when your extremely attractive partner knows so many extremely attractive women – who mind you a lot of them stopped talking to him because they because angry at him for getting into a relationship with me.
In 2011 about 8-9 months after, I was just regaining my confidence back, losing weight a little (slowly) and coming to terms with my surgery, we found out we would be having another baby. I told my mum straight away – haha Skype’d her “guess what” and showed her the test to be exact. Everyone was excited – I was too.
One thing I thought about so much through this recent pregnancy was my weight. My stomach still looked dis-figured, I didn’t have that desirable baby bump – it looked for like a baby triangle to me. I remember a friend pointing it out, that’s when I noticed it and then of course I dwelled on it. I managed to lose 6 kgs in the pregnancy, and then slowly put it back on while baby grew.
It was a healthy pregnancy, this time afterwards; I don’t feel cheated or disfigured. I feel healthy, I may not be the happiest person, but I can accept myself most days, and I know I can change it.
It has been 11 days since Atlas was born and I have lost 9kgs, while I understand it is quite common to just drop around 10-12 kgs straight after. The sudden drop in weight has given me the confidence to keep going, keep losing weight. If not for me then I will do it for my family.
It has taken me about 3 days to actually complete this particular post. Editing things out and adding things instead. I didn’t want to delve into some things I will clear things up about one thing – My relationship with Jordan is better than ever right now.